My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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