Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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