I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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