And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
