new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
