So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
