Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
how drunk are you?
Several
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
