uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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