Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
