Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
