my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
