Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
