dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
