I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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