I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
