Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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