whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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