i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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