Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
