I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
