Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
