Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
