is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
