Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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