My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
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