I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if only i could text you this smell
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
