I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
