Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
