The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
