And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
