im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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