that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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