At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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