so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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