I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
