he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
