"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
