I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
