if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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