Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
