Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
