i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
another moral hangover. fuck.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
