god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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