A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
