White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And then my night got REAL pukey
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
