I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was born a porn star she said
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
