i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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