i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
