So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
