You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
