Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
