I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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