Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
