Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
