remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
