if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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