"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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