I wish I could teleport
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
