I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
