I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
