Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
