Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
