I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
