you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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