I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize