i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
