Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
