you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
