Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
