I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
