Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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