Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
