Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
